A Change in Life

Well, here I am with another change in my life. Things have been progressing wildly as of late. Just a week ago I was at my 20 year high school reunion. I saw a lot of people that I really missed and wanted to reconnect with. Everything went really well and I had a great time. Of course, there was at least one man and one woman that showed a troubling side to their nature. I will not share their names to give pity to their shame. But they were drunk, and I mean REALLY drunk. The event was held at a country club with a golf course of course and one of them drove onto the green. Pretty sobering fact.

Something else that I along with my tablemates and friends noticed was that we were the only people not drinking. Everyone else had drinks in their hands and were shuffled near the bar. Could it be that after 20 years the popular people still don't feel confident about themselves not to have a drink? I'm not saying they were all alcoholics by any means, but is it really that hard to be beautiful and thin and popular?

Mind you, when I was in my 20's I was drinking and drugging a lot. Whatever I could get my hands on I tried, except meth and heroine. But thankfully meth wasn't popular back then. I as never offered heroine so I had no need to seek it out. But everything else, I've tried. It didn't take me long to realize that the drugs were not that great. The irony is, I'm on twelve different medications now. Sometimes with back or knee pain, I'm on additional 2-3 more. Now how does that tie in with my experience at my reunion? Greatly!

I have seen the pictures of the reunion and I don't even look human anymore! I look like a giant blob alien. Everything on me is so bloated and puffed up. And I said, well all these people have problems being themselves, but so do I! Who am I to judge them for what they want, how they look, or what they do? And none of them are on all the drugs I'm on just to try to stay some sort of healthy. And I'm tired of it, I really am.

I started with changing things in my food and beverage intake. That's expected. And I am going to join a gym. But the one thing I have to change more than anything is my faith and the way I'm thinking. I'm not going to sit around and just let life pass me by knowing that if I ask for more help, it might change things around. So how did I do it?

I got a tattoo! But not any regular tattoo, a cross dripping with blood. To me it was the one thing that symbolized my change. That I was going to study the Bible more, pray more, meditate more, and motivate myself more than I have ever done before. I know to some it would seem to be either trashy or trivial. It's not either of those things to me. I've made my commitment! And now its just taking it one day at a time to get myself to the weight I need to be. But know this...the more weight I lose, the more I am determined to start devoting my life to Christ's ministry, in some form or fashion. This is what He wants, and I know it is my destiny.

So far I have lost 28 pounds. And I've gained more love for myself. And I will give that love out.

Till next time... peace and love be with you.

R